Introduction
So people think they know who Britney Spears is? Psychologist Jeff Johnson and a few real professionals poke around Britney's pretty little psyche.
During the psychological tests were used:
- 250 pages of Britney's interviews;
- photos;
- biographical information;
- over 50 pages of psychological questions.
Police Sketches
Britney as seen through the eyes of heat-packing police sketch artist Juan Perez.
Descriptions provided by Josh Rosengarten, 12; Eric Nicholson 25; and Jeff Johnson, 32.
Josh, 12, is the biggest Britney fan. We're not sure if he's paying attention to her music or other assets (pic.1).
Because Jeff is an ass man by trade, he had to compare his spotty recollection (pic.2) to facial features on some old mug shots the guy brought in.
Eric says he's seen her face so many times, it was a breeze to describe her accurately (pic.3).
Psychologist had it figured out by that point, proving that our obsession with Britney is this close to criminal.
Test #1. Character
"Three Favorite Animals" asks the subject to spontaneously pick. Please note that there is no correct answer.
Animal #1: Puppy;
Animal #2: Monkey;
Animal #3: Horse.
"I like puppy dogs, of course. I like those little bitty monkeys, and I love horses - they're beautiful."
The first animal represents who you'd like to be, the second is who you are, and the third is what you're looking for in a lover.
Britney's character - she's giddy up!
Test #2. Handwriting Analysis
Both Britney and Lynne agreed to write a random sentence to have analyzed. Her mom later backed up, though, joked that her exam might come back as "wacko." Bart Baggett of 'Handwriting University', who spoke a lot about the anthrax letters on TV, didn't know whose handwriting he was analyzing: "She is emotionally middle of the road, a good balance between her head and her heart. She has a lot of inner conflict with decisions. While she has a good ego, her self-image is not very high. Notice the circled t's? They're not crossed low, but in the middle. Literally very o is open like a u, and it's talkativeness. She is very honest and optimistic. Her sex drive is healthy. People with healthy y's tend to have good relationship with others."
Test #3. Marriage
"What's in Your Love-Life Lockbox?" exercise guides Britney through an imaginary house, asking her to choose random stuff like the colors of the flowers out front (gold) and the first thing she focuses in in the living room (a fancy light). These answers somehow reveal that her future husband will have a fat wallet; that she loves her mate without spelling it out; she won't get hitched for a few years, possibly five; that if her hubby ever royally screws up, she'll put him in the doghouse and leave him there; and that she'd better plan on getting some blue wallpaper for the nursery.
Test #4. Dream Analysis
"I've had a dream twice. I was getting my hair done, and I turned around and I looked in the mirror and my hair was on fire. The hairdresser was the lady who used to be my mom's hairdresser a really, really long time ago."
A therapist with a Jungian orientation says, "She seems to be very worried that a main part of her persona will go up in flames. The dream says that this could be at the hands of something related to her mother, According to the dream, her mother has too much of a hand in shaping her image. Hair is like thoughts - both emanate from the head, In that case, she needs to start shaping her own thoughts, especially about her image."
Test #5. Emotional Stats
Personality discovery zone.
Britney has been asked some questions and situations, which she answered.
1.You win a free trip to a sunny destination. Your lover has a conflict and can't come. You choose to:
a) Go for it;
b) Tell him you feel bad, but you need to get a tan;
c) Explain that you understand it's a bummer, but tell why you 'd still like to go.
d) Pass it up and feel awful;
e) Turn it down immediately, without a second thought.
Britney has chosen the answer c.
2. I've got too much responsibility.
a) Not at all;
b) Not often;
c) Sometimes;
d) Damn, all the time.
Britney has chosen the answer c.
3. You're about to take task you've never done before. Upright?
"I was a little nervous doing the movie "Crossroads". Once I got in there, they made me feel really comfortable, and it was fun. But at first I was like, 'Oh, my gosh.'"
4. My day job is boring. True or false?
"You try to change the show up every night. We'll have 'silly night,' or one night we'll do 'erotica night,' where we're all being really sexy. We have to do things like that to keep it fun, spontaneous and, you know, we'll mess with each other onstage, We had one song where my dancers acted like they were intoxicated, and I was like, 'What are they doing?'"
5. When going to bed, your pajamas most resemble:
a) loose undies;
b) heavy woolen matching pajamas;
c) Nude;
e) Something spicy and silky.
"All of the above, depending on what mood I'm in".
"Hey, Britney, you never slept nude," Jamie Lynn says.
"How do you know? You don't always sleep with me," Britney says. (They admit that they often cuddle - fully clothed - with each other when they're together.)
6. You're formally introduced to an older man at a swank event. He repeatedly makes what may be innocent physical contact. How would you handle this?
"I would say, 'Keep your hands to yourself. Back off, mister.'"
7. Do you let music push your buttons?
"The other day we almost had to postpone the whole show because I was crying to Celine Dion's CD. And they were getting onto me because it's, like, $15000 to push the show back. I get way too emotional with music."
Test #6. Creativity
In doing something major, is she the one to see the forest or the trees?
"I look at the big picture. With everything that I do, I always look at the bigger picture; I can't stand pretty people that look into little things... I take care of every aspect of what I do, seriously. I've only had one video that I didn't have the idea for... Coming up with the concepts and ideas about the tours, the videos, even the movie - all of that creating energy, I try to be involved as much as I can. You know, with the details."
Test #7. Criminal Profile
Without identifying Britney, the results from all the tests were sent to a top criminal profiler. His job is to find out what makes people tick and track them down.
"This woman likes being in control. She doesn't appear to have formal education, but she is bright. She thinks she can be seductive is she has so. She has a solid work discipline and ethic. She tends to think things out before acting on decisions. She doesn't feel she is appreciated for all that she does. She tends to shy away from sexual issues."
And if our subject were ever to commit a crime? "Because she works so hard at what she does, there is a feeling of entitlement, And when people feel entitled - let's equate this to an office or something. You work late and you're not appreciated for it, so you may take PalmPilot home - that type of minor criminal activity," the profiler continued. "And let's say, if she were up for an award, would she do something to downgrade the appearance of someone else? Probably not at this age, but if she doesn't meet the person who she needs to work out her personality problems with, she could be kind of vindictive in the future."
Test #8. Britney & Jamie Lynn
Britney's little sister, Jamie Lynn, reaps all the spoils of touring as the youngest Spears: hotels, traveling teachers ("Tutor makes me sound stupid," she bristles) and plenty of time to entertain people backstage with her impersonations and characters, including channeling an imaginary 82-year-old roadie named Louise McGillicudy who works with Janet Jackson. "She gets constipated because she eats too much cheese," "Louise" scolds in a Southern drawl. She breaks character to tell me that she loves Janet and doesn't mean any harm. Clearly, her imagination has been encouraged to blossom, and when she's getting handed an Oscar in 10 years, I hope she remembers the reporter who noticed her skills and gives him massive props.
Test #9. Inkblots
Picture #1. "I see... what are those things with the long noses?" (This one is supposed to deal with her feelings about her dad.)
Picture #2. "A cartoon cat that's been run over." (Some think that this image may reveal your attitudes about sexuality.)
Picture #3. "Two people, um. kissing or trying to give each other something. Yeah, like, sitting down. There's their booties. Oh, they're drinking tea! They're sitting there, having their teatime, and there's like a little fire maybe right under there." (She is supposed to point out the sex of the two figures, as that may determine your sexual preference. I should've asked, but I suspected that the teatime reference was really a secret plea to can it with the questions for a while.)
Picture #4. "Two old ladies with arched backs, leaning over looking at each other." (This one may reveal your attitude toward your mom.)
Picture #5. "That's an owl." (Just kidding.)
Final Diagnosis: Overall, Britney did well. On her emotional stats (30 other penetrating questions were asked), the subject seems "psychologically balanced, better than normal," says one expert. Or at least good at choosing the right answers. Extra points for telling the perv off and reinventing her show.
Her growing pains are obvious, and that's why, our experts note, her teen-angst anthems and new movie focus on growing up and independence. They point out that Britney's well adjusted enough to use her art as a safe "all-under-the-guise-of-entertainment" arena for venting control issues, exorcising demons and trying out her sexual persona (hint: half-nude, huge snake, MTV) without getting busted for it. She can have the big break-through onstage - and bring home the bacon at the same time. The rest of us have to pay our shrinks.
